THIS FAT JERK. I love her, but…THIS FAT JERK.
So, back when Darcy was a kitten, she wasn’t actually mine for the first month after she was adopted (at 8 weeks old, for $5 on Craigslist, with another cat from her litter). A “friend” of mine had gotten her and then fallen off the sobriety bandwagon in a bad way, culminating in a bender where she locked Darcy, who was then three months old, in her very small bathroom for several days with no water, no litter box, and a tiny amount of food. Darcy almost died, and I had to break into her apartment to save her. If the sink/shower hadn’t had leaky taps I don’t think she would survived.
Seriously, she was tiny
Anyway, this "friend" was absolutely insane and on a LOT of drugs and initially named Darcy something else (I renamed her Darcy once I rescued her). Her first name was, and I swear I am not making this up, Peanut Butter Spider Cat.
Peanut Butter Spider Cat. Did I mention that this person was doing a LOT of drugs?
One of the reasons she got this name was because, as a tiny kitten who could fit in the palm of my hand, she would climb up the screen door of their porch, like Spider Man. My “friend” had to put her in a miniature kitten-sized harness so she could easily pluck Darcy off the screen whenever she scuttled up. She also treated Darcy terribly and locked her up a lot of the time, because even when she weighed about two lbs she damaged the screen a lot by doing this.
Fast forward 5 years, and Darcy is now 14 lbs of muscle-y, cuddly, spoiled, and happy indoor cat. Today I was in a lot of pain and took some medicine and passed out, but woke up briefly to hear my mom yelling at something. A few hours later, I woke up and came downstairs to discover this furry jerkface had attempted to climb the screen door to our deck. It doesn’t have holes in it, but it does look, well, assaulted.
Truly a majestic beast
Cat, you are 14 lbs of pure sass and tiny meows and laziness and snakeface, I love you, but you are simply too big for that to work. Please just stick to burrowing under my blankets or lazing around in your chair, okay?
I might have a slight Photoshop problem
No comments:
Post a Comment