Thursday, April 16, 2015

I Never Thought

I never thought I would be getting divorced after six months of marriage.

But then, I never thought I would ever actually get married in the first place. I never thought I'd be good enough for someone to want to marry me, or smart enough, or pretty enough. I never thought that I could be a worthwhile, or even enjoyable companion for someone else.

Somewhere along the way I was taught that I am a burden, and I know that's not true. I'm not claiming to be a sparkling conversationalist or an arbiter of good taste (there's too much weird Japanese hair metal on my iPod for that),  but neither am I the monster I've built myself up to be in my own head.

In a talk General Conference talk, Elder Russel M. Nelson said,
Feelings of worth come when a woman follows the example of the Master. Her sense of infinite worth comes from her own Christlike yearning to reach out with love, as He does.
One of the only things that has helped preserve my sense of self and the idea that I'm worth more and deserve better than I was getting in my short marriage is my faith in my Savior's plan for me. I've promised that I will go where He leads me, step by step, until one day I can appreciate my own worth. All I can do is try to reach out to others with love and kindness, and hopefully one day I will be able to reflect that kindness to myself.

If you ever doubt your own worth, or are in a situation where others are telling you that you are worth less for any reason, please know that you are loved. You are worthy. You have an eternal destiny. But you need to be able to see it and recognize it, even just a little bit, before you can move on to something better and brighter.

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