Gratitude

You may have noticed I've rearranged my blog a bit- some posts that I've written in the past are no longer available. Don't worry, they're still there, but they're hidden at the moment because they're just too painful to read right now.

I've had a big upheaval in my life recently. I don't want to write about the details tonight; I'm not sure I'll even want to write about the details a month, or six months, or a year from now. Frankly, I'm tired of telling my story to law enforcement, therapists, lawyers, and what seems to be, at this point, at least 87% of the population of southeastern Idaho. What I really want is for this all to pass as quickly as possible, inflicting the least amount of damage on my heart and soul, and to move on.

Realistically however, I know that this is a trial and that it is necessary (though in no way pleasant) for me to go through it. And I am trying to spend as little of my time as as I can being angry, or despondent, or scared, or just plain numb, and trying to focus instead on what I'm grateful for. That has been one of the best coping strategies I could have possibly discovered (I've unfortunately done this massive-life-change/grief thing before and didn't cope as healthily last time around), and I'm going to stick with it.

So, without further ado:

Things I Am Grateful For:

• Getting out safely
• Getting out now, and not five years from now
• Knowing I have amazing friends who support and love me, and reaffirm that I wasn't weak for choosing a husband who did that to me- that I was strong for saying no and leaving
• Family that has been on call, despite the distance and time difference, whenever I needed them
• My closest friends who dropped everything to move me out, with only a few minutes notice
• The friends who have given me a safe place to stay while I sort things out
• My job, which I love. It's amazing how calming it can be to make copies, or do some bookkeeping, when the rest of your life is so chaotic.
• The university, who have bent over backwards to help me in any possible way
• My ecclesiastical leaders, who have comforted me so much
• Driving with the windows down in my car on the way home from work, when it's just cold enough out to make me shiver. This makes me so happy and lets me forget everything for a little while.
• My unshakeable faith in Jesus Christ. These events have challenged a lot of my assumptions about how my life would be, and whenever I start to feel uncertain about my purpose in life or my future I know I can read my scriptures or pray and get the answers I long for.

I still have to remind myself that things will get better with time, and that it is not my duty to judge or punish others for their deeds. It takes a lot to learn how to let things go, but I'm willing to try.